Happy 2018 – Day 324 – Fighting personal demons. Literally.

On Saturday, I competed in BJJ and sadly lost my 3 fights. I’m super happy with my performance though, because it happened to be in same place that I broke my leg 2 and a bit years ago, so just turning up and not running away screaming was a job well done as far as I was concerned.

I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to compete – I’m still not sure that I have the time/will/energy required to do this, whilst attempting to run a business. It’s a lot to ask of myself.

What I did know is that a good part of why I hadn’t competed before now, was fear. I was afraid it might happen again; I was afraid of potential embarrassment; I was afraid of being afraid.

I was afraid.

Which is exactly why I knew that I had to do it.

The result of the individual fights just did not matter. Don’t get me wrong… it’d be lovely to win something. But a victory over an opponent in a one-off 5 minute fight, is nothing in comparison to the demons I fought simply in signing up to that competition.

I’ve spoken before about stepping out of your comfort zone and facing fears, and certainly they don’t need to be as big as engaging in combat sports, but if there’s something that you’re not doing simply because you’re afraid, doing this is a really great feeling.

I’d hasten to say that this is what being alive feels like.

And you come away remembering that you are stronger than your feelings; that fear is your passenger, not the driver.

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