But What Does It Look Like To ‘Meet Yourself Where You Are?’

As I mentioned last week, I have a problem with expectations. I make them so grand and unrealistic, that I doom myself to failure. All too often, the result is self-loathing. There’s clearly something wrong with me, otherwise I wouldn’t have failed.

But what if the problem isn’t with me? What if it’s not me that needs ‘fixing,’ but the goals and expectations? That’s the attitude I’ve been testing out lately, as I repeat the mantra: ‘meet yourself where you are.’

I’m learning what this might look like in reality and I thought it might be helpful to share some examples:

1. While in the past, I’ve had success with the 5:2 diet (5 days of ‘normal’ eating, 2 days fasting), I’m ready to admit it just isn’t working for my current self. When I was out, teaching, it was far easier to ignore the hunger pangs on fast days. I had a solid routine and I felt good. But now I’m writing at home, the fridge frequently proves too tempting.
   
   I’ve found myself trapped in a cycle of attempting to fast, failing and then feeling like a failure. Or I’ll succeed, by necking back gallons of appetite-supressing coffee. which also eats away at my self-credibility.
   
   I’m tired of the yo-yoing and ready for a new plan (or an old one.) So, I’m going back to my low-carb ways, where I can satiate my appetite with nut butter and avocadoes. Hooray! The weight-loss is slower, but it’s actually achievable and while it’s early days, I’ve felt a lot happier/healthier/more capable this week.
   
2. I’d planned to do a 30-minute Jillian Michael’s workout 6 times a week, but only managed 2. I also peddled on the exercise bike twice. My inner-critic says that this is seriously sub-par, but I’ve asked him politely to shut up and focus on the positives.
   
   My inner-wisdom (yes, she exists!) has pointed out that I’ve been full of cold this week and so any form of movement can be seen as a win. Also, that the last time I set this goal, I only managed to complete workout 1. This time, I did number 2 as well and managed to work out different muscle groups. I’ll take it!
   
3. I’m out of routine with my meditation habit right now, which I like to do each morning for 10-20 minutes. For whatever reason, I just can’t get myself to do it right now. Even with the heated eye-mask, it feels like a step too far.
   
   Maybe right now, 10 minutes is too much. Maybe formal, sitting-down meditation is too much. So instead, I’m focusing on moments of informal meditation and mindfulness, basically.
   
   This morning, in the shower, my mind was very busy. But every time a thought came in, I brought my mind back to the sensation of the shower. When I made my coffee, I examined the grounds of coffee in my pour-over – the colours, textures and light reflecting. When I nip to the shops in a short while, I’ll leave the music off and for just a few minutes, I’ll absorb the sounds.

I’ve been practising the opposite for almost 4 decades, so a lot of this feels very new and uncomfortable. I’m learning. I keep reminding myself that discomfort is a good thing – it’s a sign that you’re growing – and that my goal is progress, not perfection.

What does it look like for you to ‘meet yourself where you are?’ Feel free to share in the comments below!