Self-Acceptance vs Perfectionism

I’m starting to think that yes, it might be. Self-acceptance might be the key to real, authentic self-esteem and true contentment.

I think sub-consciously, I’ve fought against it for years, as if accepting myself meant taking the easy way out, lowering the bar and accepting mediocrity. Now things have changed and I can see things more clearly. I can see that this is neither a true or helpful belief, and that it comes from the inner-perfectionist for whom nothing is ever enough.

Self-acceptance is a form of kindness, but that isn’t why it’s the better approach.
What it really comes down to, practically speaking, is that it’s a constructive way of helping someone grow.

I used to think that I needed the harsh rules of the inner critic/drill-instructor, because self-compassion would allow me to be lazy. But then I thought about how I’d help a young child to reach a goal. And it wouldn’t be by putting them down, any time they made a mistake.

For the perfectionist, there’s a sense that you’re only enough, if you’re flawless and everything is perfect. It’s a hideously exhausting way to live, because the goal posts are always shifting and ‘perfect’ is subjective… so you can never stop striving. You can never just be happy.

But when you practice self-acceptance, you surrender the need to be perfect and you learn to live in the ups and downs of life. It feels liberating and energising to relinquish control. You feel safer in your skin, when you’re allowed to make mistakes (and be human!)

So that’s it: I’m a self-acceptance convert! Though after 40 years as a perfectionist, I’ll likely be practising until the end of my days. That doesn’t seem so bad though, now that I’m allowed to make mistakes; now that I’m allowed to be happy, as imperfect as I am.