Procrastination – The Unhealed Wound

Procrastination, as they say, is the ‘thief of time.’ And having procrastinated consistently throughout my lifetime, I’d have to agree.

In fact, I’d say that the proverb doesn’t go far enough. ‘Thief of life’ is more like it.

Like many people, I’d assumed that I’d naturally transform into a whole new person on January 1st. I’d just wake up on New Year’s Day with the skills, enthusiasm and willpower to tackle all the things that I’d been putting off before Christmas. Imagine my shock and horror when I woke up to the same old me.

I relieved the stress of this situation in the usual way, by finding (and creating) other jobs to do, instead of doing to things that I really needed to do. So while I didn’t watch the important tax webinar, I did tidy and paint the spare room. I didn’t make the difficult phone call, but I did re-start this blog after years away. Hmmm.

Though it’s nice to be writing this blog from my newly-painted office, I certainly hadn’t planned to spend the first fortnight of 2024 procrastinating. I can’t even say that it’s been fun or enjoyable.

I’ve found it really difficult to stay in the present moment. My thoughts and feelings have sounded like an alarm, beeping in the background no matter what I’ve been doing. They’ve tugged at my attention, like a toddler at the sleeve, keen to remind me of all I’m putting off.

That’s the thing about procrastination. We put things off because we fear the effort/pain/difficultly/consequences. But as a result, we simply prolong the misery.

While we avoid the pain of ripping off the Band-Aid, we’re forced to live with the unhealed wound. And that just isn’t a fun way to live.

I don’t want to live in a state of dread, with my mind constantly pulled to what I ‘should’ be doing. Maybe I needed to really feel this, to be viscerally reminded that this isn’t any way to live.

I didn’t realise how much I felt it, until I finally began ripping off the Band-Aids. I hadn’t noticed the extra weight I’d been carrying, until I felt myself lighten once I started taking action. Feelings of dread, worry and disappointment, were replaced with pride, confidence and relief. Lovely feelings replaced unpleasant ones.

For me, procrastination/avoidance are hardwired habits, practised consistently for as long as I can remember. There’s no overnight fix. In many ways, I’m accustomed to living with these unhealed wounds and there’s a lot of comfort in what’s familiar, no matter how crappy.

Luckily, I’m not yet so old that I can’t be taught new tricks. So for now, I’m going to keep ripping off those Band-Aids, one by one, day after day.

If I’ve unwittingly trained myself to be person who avoids difficulty, then I can consciously train myself to be someone who does hard things.

Do you struggle with procrastination and avoidance? Feel free to share in the comments below!