I’m a big believer in forgiveness these days, basically because if you don’t ‘let that shit go’ then the only person who ends up hurt, is you.
And the other day, I heard something from Tony Robbins that reminded me of this.
He said: “everything people do either comes from a place of love or a place of pain.”
I think it’s useful to remind yourself of this in those situations when someone doesn’t treat you well. When they try to pull you down; discriminate against you; bully and belittle you; snap/argue/shout at you; they’re a person in pain.
That doesn’t mean they aren’t also an a***hole! And nor does it mean that you have to lay down and take this unacceptable behaviour.
What does change in this scenario is the balance of power.
If they’re the evil bully/wrongdoer, then you are forced to play the victim. If you see that this is a person experiencing pain – no matter how horrid their personality or actions at that moment – then they are the victim.
At this point, you’re free to offer help. For example, if it’s your usually cheery colleague who snaps at you, then asking if they’re okay, rather than reacting badly yourself, might allow them a much-needed outlet as well as strengthening your relationship.
Whereby you’re dealing with someone who is just unpleasant and offering support isn’t an option, choose to pity them instead. Remind yourself that happy people don’t need to treat others badly or scoff at their success. Truly confident people don’t need to bully others to feel good about themselves.
Again, it doesn’t mean that you have to become a doormat, or that you shouldn’t say something when you’re treated poorly. But you will maintain your position of strength of power – you won’t be a victim to someone else’s crappy mood, crappy day or crappy personality.