As a lifelong self-improvement nerd, I’ve consumed countless videos/books/podcasts on the subject of self-esteem. I’ve also done things that required confidence and courage, thanks to a lot of effort, practice and a toolkit of techniques.
So it took me by surprise, less than two months ago, when I realised I was feeling self-esteem for the first time in my life.
I was talking to my therapist about how I’d been journalling often – scripting conversations between my inner-critic and wisdom. The critic or child is allowed to voice their concern, no-holds-barred. Then the wise, parent-like voice responds, coaching towards a solution or more constructive perspective.
On paper, it looks like a scripted conversation between a child and loving parent, or two best friends. Though I realised that isn’t until recently (after years of practice,) that the critic has stopped speaking like a name-calling, tantrum throwing brat and the relationship between the pair has become much calmer and more constructive.
As I talked, I realised that I feel much safer in my own skin. I feel like I can voice the worst things that I think about myself and essentially, coach myself through it. I feel like no matter what happens, I’ll be okay. Because even on the worst day, my beautiful inner-wisdom will help me look at problems with both logic and compassion.
While I’ve done things in the past that have boosted my confidence (enough that I can show up and ‘fake it till I make it’, at the least), I realise now that this was all surface-level. What I feel now is so much better and deeper… It’s one thing to know that you can prep and perform a great presentation if you try. It’s another to know that you’ll still be okay and worthy and lovable and good, even if it all goes horribly wrong.
Self-esteem means having your own back – being the parent or friend, that you’ve always needed.
I not only know that, but now, I actually feel it. It’s weird to say, but I feel so much less alone.
Anxious-Ambition.com 