Are You Stuck Working Towards An Old Goal?

I’ve been plodding along nicely on my low-carb, high-fat diet and feel a whole lot more balanced, more in-control than when I was fasting. It’s basically a 90-day experiment to see if I can escape the cycle of restrictive eating and bingeing. All very low-pressured compared to what I’m used to…

So it took me by surprise when one day last week, I found myself gorging on peanut butter. I didn’t feel deprived. I felt full and satiated. So what was happening and what had caused it?

I came to the answer through a deep dive in the journal, when I remembered I’d stepped on the scales that morning (something I’m trying to do far less.) I’d been disappointed to see the same old number. And that disappointment had triggered a reaction: the rebel had come out, ready to self-sabotage. Getting on the scales had been a signal to my body, that the old rules were back in play; that everything I’d been doing was geared towards weight loss and my old goal, rather than the new one.

I’m trying to see my setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, through journalling. Writing about what happened here really helped me to gain clarity about my past and current goals. I realised that:

OLD ME wanted to be skinny, no matter what the cost… whether it meant overexercising until I felt weak and exhausted or being moody/hangry because I was starving and felt deprived. It was all worth is, so long as I saw a number I liked on the scales and fit into my favourite skinny jeans.

NEW ME wants to be balanced and level, no matter what the cost… whether it means doing more low-impact exercise to avoid overdoing it, and allowing myself to eat more so that I’m less tempted to binge… Even if I lose weight incredibly slowly (or not at all!) and I have to buy myself a bigger pair of jeans. It’s all worth it, to feel more balanced and in control – to be the driver of my urges and habits, not a passenger to them.

The next time you experience a setback, consider your intention. Do your goals and behaviour reflect the person you are today? Or are you unconsciously working towards something you no longer want? I was. And seeing that so clearly has helped me to re-affirm my commitment to new goals and to consciously let go of old ones.

I’m going to get rid of my scales.