Confidence vs. Arrogance

When I was younger, I idolized people who were confident, arrogant even. Like many others, I was a sucker for the on-screen bad boy – the Dolph Lundgren, the Kenickie, the Mr. Darcy… and in real life too, there was just this sense of overwhelming admiration for people who were ruthlessly pushy and outspoken. I guess as a socially anxious mess, barely functioning and terribly afraid of everything, it was only natural that I’d want the opposite. If only I had some of what they had…

Nowadays, I can see that whilst some of these people were good role-models, many were just arseholes! 

Nowadays, I’m happier in my own skin – comfortable – accepting of the good bits and the less good. I’ve certainly got some way to go before I proclaim myself to be super confident, but I’ve also come a long way and done things that the old me would be frankly in awe of.

And I sit here, pondering the difference between arrogance and confidence…

Arrogance – thinking you’re better than others – doesn’t come from a place of comfort, but rather insecurity. Where there is arrogance, people need to feel better than those around them, because on some deeper level, they don’t genuinely feel that they are. Often, this trait accompanies a need to pull others down; to view others’ success with judgement and jealousy. Arrogance must also be hard to sustain – it must be incredibly tiring to have to be better than others, in every situation; to always appear invulnerable. Arrogance is often a huge block in relationships and forming connections… because speaking to someone who is arrogant, just doesn’t feel good.

Confidence, however, comes from a place of self-acceptance. It’s not about thinking you’re perfect or being delusionally positive, but rather just seeing things as they are. Where there is confidence, people are happy for the success of others, because they’re happy themselves. And they’re allowed to be vulnerable; to be themselves; to be human.

The really great thing about confidence is that there’s enough for all of us. We can all be our best selves, without taking anything away from anyone else…

leaving infinite potential for love, empathy and real human connection.