Before New Years Resolutions, Decide What You Really Need to Change

With 2021 on the horizon, many of us begin thinking about resolutions: the things we need to do less or more of, in order to grow, connect, achieve, find happiness/fulfilment/meaning.

Even Especially after the weirdest year on record.

Honestly, I’ve got no problem with this. I love the feeling of a new year, fresh opportunities, full of hope and promise – regardless of whether things go to plan or not.

One thing I’ve been thinking lately though, is that when I’ve set myself goals and plans in the past, I’ve often been trying to ‘fix’ the wrong thing.

I’ve set goals around losing weight, when what I really needed was some mindful awareness of why I eat whenever a difficult emotional arises… and some strategies to find an alternative response.

I’ve challenged myself to climb up the career ladder, without stopping to question if and why I wanted to (I didn’t).

I told myself that I needed to be more assertive with others, that my problem was a lack of confidence…. it wasn’t. It was lack of connection.

I’d essentially built walls around myself, walls which made social interaction feel hard, if not impossible. The problem wasn’t that I needed to shout louder over the wall, it was that I’d built the walls in the first place.

So… if you are planning on some changes in the new year, my advice is that you take the time to reflect. Consider why you do the things that you do or don’t do. Explore the thoughts, patterns and beliefs that underpin your behaviour. Each time you find an answer, dig a little deeper, until you can go no further; until you know what the real problem is.

Now, you have a solid foundation on which to build change – meaningful, long-lasting change – and you hopefully won’t be making the exact same resolutions again this time next year!

Wishing you a Happy New Year! X X X

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