“Something the things that we can’t change, end up changing us.” (unknown)
This was the quote in my Six Minute Diary page a few weeks back and I can’t think of a better quote to sum up the impact on 2020, on myself and probably the majority of us.
As we head into Christmas and New Year, still awash in restrictions and precautions, it’s hard not to feel sad about the way things have gone. It certainly wasn’t what we expected, or wanted. So much out of our control.
Without a doubt, this year has changed me. It continues to change me. It’s changed the way I think, feel, do; where I want to go; how I want to get there.
And whilst I’m unlikely to look back on it fondly, it hasn’t all been bad. In fact, some of it has been quite remarkable.
Time and reflection has allowed me to work on some really important things that I had been ignoring or avoiding… like my relationships, with friends, family and loved ones.
I’ve noticed some things that I hadn’t noticed before – like my pattern of playing the victim, manipulating people to get attention, the way that I test people until they leave as a way of confirming my belief… that I’m better off alone.
I’d thought that I was prone to black and white, all or nothing thinking, when it came to diet or exercise. What I’ve realised this year though, is that this stretches through to everything – my career, my relationships, the way I view the world.
I’ve realised that I purposely self-sabotage and fall into bad habits, because the drama provides a great distraction/excuse from doing the meaningful work that my soul longs to do. Why? Because I’m afraid – of failure, of success, of change, of being afraid.
I’ll spare you the rest, if only to say that I’ve come to understand myself a lot more – warts ‘n’ all – meaning that I can now work on things that are real, things that matter, things that no amount of books or TED talks could have given me.
I’m so grateful for this. In fact, at the end of 2020, I’m just so grateful – for all that I have, the people in my life, the things, the moments, the memories.
Even the bad stuff, because as I’ve hopefully demonstrated, these experiences can be incredibly valuable, character-building and even life-affirming.
How has 2020 changed you? Let me know in the comments below!
2020 has taught me that I have so many false assumptions about myself, and that what I used to think was the truth (particularly my likes and dislikes) can always be challenged. Thanks for this post!
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Yeah I know what you mean! Really interesting when you have time to reflect and you realise that actually some of the things that you thought you liked actually leave you feeling a bit depleted! Thanks for the comment Stuart – glad you enjoyed reading! 🙂