I’ve Been Going Through A Tough Time… But This Thought Might Change Everything.

This morning, I woke to a single question: ‘what if I got excited about all the things that scared me?’

This beautiful question came to me in sleep. It’s something that I’m still absorbing in my mind and body.

Yesterday, I finished a sleep story (yes, I write sleepy bedtime tales for a living) about a woman who attends an ariel yoga class. The class ends with the silk hammocks unfolded and participants climbing in for some shut-eye and breathing. If you’ve seen them, they look like silk cocoons, suspended mid-air. As I wrote the story, I had a reoccurring imagine of a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis…

And that’s how I feel this morning, after waking to that thought.

I’ve been going through a really tough period lately. I’m six months into quitting alcohol and a month into de-caff only. It’s left me feeling raw, vulnerable and honestly just afraid. I’m committed to facing my feelings, rather than avoiding or numbing… but man, there’s 39 years of emotional and mental baggage that I’ve ignored and it’s really just a LOT to face up to things.

I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts and a lot of fear/dread/anxiety/depression about upcoming social occasions and things that take me out of my comfort zone.

But thoughts pass. Especially when you make good healthy choices. And the idea that I might just drop my mental baggage and choose to get excited feels just simple and beautiful enough to work.

“I’m excited” is my mantra, on repeat in my head. It’s the reason I took a spontaneous cold shower that made me scream and giggle. It’s why I’m now writing this blog for the first time in years, simply because I wanted to.

I hope it helps you too.