As you know, I’m a big fan of selfish happiness – doing things for others with the knowledge that it will make you feel incredible.
I’m very much into completing random acts of kindness for loved ones, acquaintances and even occasionally strangers, but recently I thought about taking this to another level. Could I really focus on what others wanted and needed and deserved in their lives, rather than myself?
I’ve always had a ton of hopes, wishes, goals and dreams for myself. As an ambitious body with an anxious brain, I’ve always had plenty that I wanted to do, but was often terrified to. My focus has very much been about me. What do I want to achieve this year and how will I do that? How can I make myself and my life better?
Having opened up my own business in January, Skills with Fills, I’m suffering from daily pangs of fear, anxiety, self-doubt…. but I’m also feeling incredibly fulfilled and alive. Feeling this way has just given me that little bit of breathing space to look at what’s going on in my friends’ lives, in a way that I haven’t before.
One of my friends has recently started a new chapter in her life, and like me, is feeling the pangs of self-doubt and the drive to self-sabotage. After seeing her the other day; being reminded of how incredible she is; I came home and really thought about what she wanted and needed in her life, and willed it to happen for her. For once, I was really putting someone else in front of myself.
This is a very strange concept for me. I know that I have a real tendency to be a people-pleaser, but I think that comes from a place of wanting to protect myself/be liked, rather than really focusing on helping others. This is probably one of my least liked qualities about myself, and fighting against my inner need to be seen in a certain way by others is a constant battle.
But this is definitely a step forward. Putting someone else to the forefront of my mind, and willing good things to happen for them, didn’t make me feel good in that selfish kindness type way. It actually felt even better – because I wasn’t in the picture at all. My focus was completely on someone else, and wanting the best for them. If you read my blog about focus and the law of attraction, you’ll know that I’m not really a believer in the idea that the universe is waiting to send you diamond rings and Louis Vuitton luggage, but I do believe that what you focus, you get more of. And I’m interested to see if sending out good vibes on someone else’s behalf can have a real impact.
I’m not religious – but this is the closest I’ve come to praying since I wished my English teacher into sickness the night before I had to complete a book presentation.
It’s definitely something that I’m going to work more at.
I wonder if you need to be a fairly ‘good’ place in your life to think this way, or if it would have actually helped me to do this when I was in a worse one….
Have you tried really putting someone else first; thinking about what goals you’d like them to meet in their personal/professional lives? Could you hope for someone else to win the lottery, forgetting about yourself? Thoughts welcome: