I discovered Mel Robbins over a decade ago, when I watched her TED talk entitled ‘How to stop screwing yourself over.’ Since then, I’ve listened to her audiobooks and series, and her podcast is one of few that I rarely ever miss. The woman talks a lot of sense.
One of the things that really resonated with me was something she said on the subject of change and transition. She said that you should stop telling yourself that you’re ‘lost’ all the time and instead, see that you’re just on the bridge. She even suggested that you visualise the bridge and get really clear on where you’re coming from and headed to.
When I first heard this, feeling ‘lost’ was very familiar. It was a year after the pandemic had upturned everything and I was right in the middle of a big career change, transitioning from teaching into full-time writing. I knew what I wanted, but hadn’t worked out if it was actually possible. If I’m honest, I’d say that I didn’t really believe in myself enough.
As I listening to Mel Robbins talk about the bridge, I realised something: every time I had a moment of worry or self-doubt, or wasn’t immediately sure of my next steps, I told myself that I was lost. It had unwittingly become my daily mantra.
I’d forgotten how much language matters – especially when it’s directed to ourselves.
Surprising as it is, telling myself I was lost made me feel lost. It compounded self-doubt and anxiety. It made me feel as if things were hopeless, as if I were too confused or incapable to ever get to where I was going – as if I didn’t even know where I was going. When I told myself I was lost, I felt afraid and alone.
I felt immediately relief when I changed this and said instead, “I’m just on the bridge.” I wasn’t lost – I knew where I was. I was on the bridge between an old life and a new one. This thought made me feel calmer and more confident, and much more hopeful about the future. Problems that I’d magnified when I told myself I was lost suddenly seemed solvable – I could break them down into smaller steps.
Every now and then, I have a bout of self-doubt and I hear that voice telling me that I’m lost. But I’m far quicker these days, to respond to that thought; to say, “No I’m not! I’m just on the bridge!” Because even today, while I’m further along in my journey, I’m not off the bridge just yet.
And I’m okay with that. Because while I’ve never like heights, I’ve always been quite fond of bridges. Plus, it beats being lost.
Are you on the bridge, going through a change or transition? What kinds of thoughts are you experiencing? Share your comments in the section below:
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